19 Bible verses about forgiving those who hurt you, without pretending it did not hurt
Written by Maria Luisa Navarro Schmitt · Reviewed by Raphael Navarro Schmitt ·
Short answer
To forgive, in the Bible, is to give up collecting the debt — not to say it was fine. Matthew 18:22 speaks of seventy times seven, Luke 17:3 puts the correction before the forgiveness, and Romans 12:19 hands vengeance back to God. The verses below forgive without pretending it did not hurt.
Three distinctions before the list, because they are usually missing and they change everything. Forgiving is not saying that what happened was small. Forgiving does not necessarily mean going back. And forgiving is not automatically trusting again — trust is rebuilt with time and with evidence, where rebuilding is possible at all.
Scripture holds those distinctions. In Luke 17 the command to forgive comes after the command to correct: the text is not asking for silence. In Romans 12 Paul asks for peace "in so far as you are able", which already concedes that sometimes you are not. If going back would mean exposing yourself to violence again, nothing on this page is asking that of you.
What remains after those caveats is still demanding. To forgive, in biblical vocabulary, is to step out of the role of the one who collects. Joseph weeps when he meets the brothers who sold him, and what he says is not that it was good — it is that he is not going to sit in the judge’s chair.
The list starts with the direct commands of Jesus, moves through the letters, and ends in the scenes where somebody actually forgives. The proverbs at the end are for ordinary days, after the decision is made and the resentment keeps coming back.
All 19 verses, one by one
21Then Peter, drawing near to him, said: “Lord, how many times shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Even seven times?”
22Jesus said to him: “I do not say to you, even seven times, but even seventy times seven times.
Peter offers seven, already thinking he is being generous — common practice suggested three. The answer is not a bigger number: it is a number large enough that nobody keeps count.
Read the chapter32Then his lord called him, and he said to him: ‘You wicked servant, I forgave you all your debt, because you pleaded with me.
33Therefore, should you not also have had compassion on your fellow servant, just as I also had compassion on you?’
The lord’s question is the whole argument of the parable. The debt forgiven to the servant was unpayable and the one he went out to collect was small — the comparison of the two sums is what stings.
Read the chapterAnd when you stand to pray, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father, who is in heaven, may also forgive you your sins.
Jesus ties forgiving to the moment of prayer, not to a meeting with the person. That is practical good news: you can begin without the other person being present, willing or even alive.
Read the chapter3Be attentive to yourselves. If your brother has sinned against you, correct him. And if he has repented, forgive him.
4And if he has sinned against you seven times a day, and seven times a day has turned back to you, saying, ‘I am sorry,’ then forgive him.”
The sequence is correct him, then forgive him if he has repented. The text does not tell you to swallow it; it tells you to speak. Anyone reading the Bible as a demand for silence in the face of abuse is skipping the first half of the verse.
Read the chapter27But I say to you who are listening: Love your enemies. Do good to those who hate you.
28Bless those who curse you, and pray for those who slander you.
Four verbs, all of them active: love, do good, bless, pray. Not one of them is "forget" or "accept". Praying for someone is, in practice, both the hardest and the most available thing on this list.
Read the chapter23Therefore, if you offer your gift at the altar, and there you remember that your brother has something against you,
24leave your gift there, before the altar, and go first to be reconciled to your brother, and then you may approach and offer your gift.
Here the roles flip: it is your brother who has something against you. It is on the list because almost every old grievance has two versions, and people often find their own share of it only once they start forgiving the other side.
Read the chapter17Render to no one harm for harm. Provide good things, not only in the sight of God, but also in the sight of all men.
18If it is possible, in so far as you are able, be at peace with all men.
19Do not defend yourselves, dearest ones. Instead, step aside from wrath. For it is written: “Vengeance is mine. I shall give retribution, says the Lord.”
Look at the condition in the middle: if it is possible, in so far as you are able. Paul anticipates that sometimes it will not be. And what he asks is not that you give up justice — it is that you stop being the one who carries it out.
Read the chapter31Let all bitterness and anger and indignation and outcry and blasphemy be taken away from you, along with all malice.
32And be kind and merciful to one another, forgiving one another, just as God has forgiven you in Christ.
The list of what goes out opens with bitterness, which is resentment after years in storage. And the measure for what comes in is comparative: as God forgave you. The size of the offence is not what sets the scale.
Read the chapterSupport one another, and, if anyone has a complaint against another, forgive one another. For just as the Lord has forgiven you, so also must you do.
Supporting and forgiving appear together, and the pairing matters: there are households where forgiveness has to be renewed constantly, because the complaint is about something still going on.
Read the chapternot repaying evil with evil, nor slander with slander, but, to the contrary, repaying with blessings. For to this you have been called, so that you may possess the inheritance of a blessing.
Peter is writing to people under persecution and uses the verb bless, which is the exact opposite of returning the insult. And he gives the reason: you were called to inherit a blessing, not to win the argument.
Read the chapter14Pursue peace with everyone. Pursue sanctity, without which no one shall see God.
15Be contemplative, lest anyone lack the grace of God, lest any root of bitterness spring up and impede you, and by it, many might be defiled,
The root of bitterness explains why forgiving is your business before it is theirs: the text says it springs up, gets in your way, and defiles many. Stored resentment never stays with the person storing it.
Read the chapterFor judgment is without mercy toward him who has not shown mercy. But mercy exalts itself above judgment.
The closing line reads like a proverb: mercy exalts itself above judgment. Not that judgment is wrong — but when the two meet, one of them ends up on top, and James says which.
Read the chapter7So then, to the contrary, you should be more forgiving and consoling, lest perhaps someone like this may be overwhelmed with excessive sorrow.
8Because of this, I beg you to confirm your charity toward him.
Paul is writing about someone the community disciplined, and he asks them now to forgive and console him. It is the only text here about the day after: forgiveness has to be said out loud, or the person is swallowed by sorrow.
Read the chapter19And he answered them: “Do not be afraid. Are we able to resist the will of God?
20You devised evil against me. But God turned it into good, so that he might exalt me, just as you presently discern, and so that he might bring about the salvation of many peoples.
21Do not be afraid. I will pasture you and your little ones.” And he consoled them, and he spoke mildly and leniently.
Joseph does not say that what they did was good: he says they devised evil and God turned it into good. Both halves stand. And his first move is to ask whether anyone can resist the will of God — which is a way of stepping out of the judge’s chair.
Read the chapterLikewise, the Lord was moved by the repentance of Job, when he prayed for his friends. And the Lord gave to Job twice as much as he had before.
The timing is the message: Job’s reversal happens as he is praying for the same friends who spent chapter after chapter accusing him. Praying for the person who hurt you is rarely the last step — it is usually the first one that works.
Read the chapter13For if my enemy had spoken evil about me, certainly, I would have sustained it. And if he who hated me had been speaking great things against me, I would perhaps have hidden myself from him.
14Truly, you are a man of one mind: my leader and my acquaintance,
15who took sweet food together with me. In the house of God, we walked side-by-side.
David says plainly that he could have borne it from an enemy. What he cannot bear is that it was the friend he ate with and walked beside into the house of God. It is here to name the pain before any conversation about forgiving it.
Read the chapterWhoever conceals an offense seeks friendships. Whoever repeats the words of another separates allies.
The contrast is between covering an offence and repeating it. A good share of everyday forgiveness is decided right there: in not dragging back into the next argument the thing that was already forgiven.
Read the chapterWhen your enemy will fall, do not be glad, and do not let your heart exult in his ruin,
The proverb forbids something very specific: celebrating the downfall of the person who hurt you. It is the most honest test of progress — what you feel when bad news about them reaches you.
Read the chapter21If your enemy is hungry, feed him. If he is thirsty, give him water to drink.
22For you will gather hot coals upon his head, and the Lord will repay you.
Last, because it is the most concrete of all: food and water. Forgiveness that never turns into a single gesture tends to be a sentence we repeat until we almost believe it.
Read the chapter
Frequently asked questions
What does the Bible say about forgiving someone who hurt you?
It asks for forgiveness without a running total in Matthew 18:22 and ties it to the forgiveness already received in Ephesians 4:32. At the same time, Luke 17:3 tells you to correct before forgiving, and Romans 12:18 concedes that peace is not always possible from both sides.
Does forgiving mean going back to the relationship?
No. Forgiveness and reconciliation are different things: one depends only on you, the other on both of you. Romans 12:18 conditions peace on what is possible from your side. If going back means exposing yourself to violence again, forgiving does not oblige anyone to that.
How do I forgive someone who never apologised?
Mark 11:25 ties forgiveness to the moment of prayer rather than to a meeting, so you can begin without the other person being present or willing. Job 42:10 shows the turning point arriving while he was praying for the friends who had accused him.
Is forgiving the same as forgetting?
No. In Genesis 50:20 Joseph tells his brothers outright that they devised evil against him — he does not rewrite the history. To forgive, in biblical terms, is to stop collecting the debt and step out of the judge’s chair, not to erase the memory.
How do I know whether I have really forgiven?
Proverbs 24:17 gives an uncomfortable, useful test: what you feel when bad news about the person arrives. Proverbs 17:9 gives another: if it resurfaces in every argument, it is still open. Forgiveness is usually a process rather than a single moment.
A prayer to take with you
Lord, you know what was done to me, and I am not going to make it smaller in front of you. Take from me the weight of being the one who collects this debt. I am not asking to feel today what I do not yet feel: I am asking not to feed the bitterness while the rest catches up. Amen.