17 Bible verses about dating, for choosing with a clear head
Written by Raphael Navarro Schmitt · Reviewed by Maria Luisa Navarro Schmitt ·
Short answer
The Bible does not describe dating as we know it, but it does give criteria. 1 Samuel 16:7 says the Lord beholds the heart rather than the appearance; Amos 3:3 asks whether two will walk together unless they have agreed; and Song of Solomon 8:4 asks that nobody awaken love before she wills it.
Start with what the Bible does not have: dating. The world of those texts ran on arranged marriage, a dowry and negotiation between families. Anyone promising a list of biblical rules for a modern relationship is filling a silence with their own opinion.
What does exist are criteria, and they are good ones. Look at character before appearance. Notice whether the two of you are heading to the same place. Do not force the timing of something that has not ripened. Watch what you feed your head. None of those principles has aged.
On the verses that deal with sex: they are here without any tone of shame. If you came to this page carrying guilt, the list was not put together to add to the weight.
All 17 verses, one by one
And the Lord said to Samuel: “You should not look with favor on his face, nor on the height of his stature. For I have rejected him. Neither do I judge by the appearance of a man. For man sees those things that are apparent, but the Lord beholds the heart.”
Said at the moment Samuel was impressed by the taller, better-looking brother. The mistake the text corrects is precisely the mistake of choosing by photograph.
Read the chapterWill two walk together, unless they have agreed to do so?
A single rhetorical question, one line long, that settles more than most advice does. It is not about agreeing on everything: it is about heading to the same place.
Read the chapterGroom to Chorus: I bind you by oath, O daughters of Jerusalem, not to disturb or awaken the beloved, until she wills.
The same oath recurs three times across the book — here and twice earlier — which makes it a refrain of warning rather than a passing line. It does not condemn desire: it asks that desire not be woken "until she wills". The timing belongs to her.
Read the chapterPreserve your heart with all watchfulness, for life proceeds from this.
Guarding your heart here does not mean shutting it. The proverb says life proceeds from it — what you are protecting is a source, not a gate.
Read the chapterDo not choose to bear the yoke with unbelievers. For how can justice be a participant with iniquity? Or how can the fellowship of light be a participant with darkness?
The yoke image is two animals of unequal size pulling the same plough. Paul is talking about partnerships in general, and applying it to dating is a common and reasonable reading — but it is a reading, not the letter of the text.
Read the chapterA house and its riches are given by parents. But a prudent wife is particularly from the Lord.
The proverb separates what gets inherited from what does not. A house and money come from parents; a prudent partner does not — and nobody buys that.
Read the chapter10And he said, “You are blessed by the Lord, daughter, and you have excelled beyond your earlier benevolence, because you have not followed young men, whether poor or rich.
11Therefore, do not be afraid, but whatever you decide about me, I will accomplish for you. For all the people, who dwell within the gates of my city, know that you are a virtuous woman.
Boaz praises Ruth for her character and mentions that everyone inside the city gates already knows it. A reputation built outside the relationship is still the most reliable information you will ever get about somebody.
Read the chapterConcerning the rest, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is chaste, whatever is just, whatever is holy, whatever is worthy to be loved, whatever is of good repute, if there is any virtue, if there is any praiseworthy discipline: meditate on these.
A list of filters for whatever occupies your head. Applied to dating, it is the difference between idealising a person and actually seeing one — and both take up the same mental space.
Read the chapterAll things have their time, and all things under heaven continue during their interval.
The verse most used to justify hurrying and most used to justify waiting, depending on who is quoting it. All it claims is that things have a time of their own — this one included.
Read the chapterDelight in the Lord, and he will grant to you the petitions of your heart.
Usually read as a promise of getting what you want. Notice the order: the delight comes first, and it has a habit of rewriting the list of requests.
Read the chapter5Have confidence in the Lord with all your heart, and do not depend upon your own prudence.
6In all your ways, consider him, and he himself will direct your steps.
Applied here, the hard part is not the trusting. It is the clause about not depending on your own prudence, exactly when you have already decided and are only shopping for confirmation.
Read the chapter12“O Lord, the God of my lord Abraham, meet with me today, I beg you, and show mercy to my lord Abraham.
13Behold, I stand near the fountain of water, and the daughters of the inhabitants of this city will go forth to draw water.
14Therefore, the girl to whom I will say, ‘Tip your pitcher, so that I may drink,’ and she will respond, ‘Drink. In fact, I will give your camels a drink also,’ the same one is she whom you have prepared for your servant Isaac. And by this, I will understand that you have shown mercy to my lord.”
Abraham’s servant asks for a very specific sign before choosing a wife for Isaac. It is a scene, not a method: the Bible reports what he did, and instructs nobody to repeat it.
Read the chapter3For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from fornication,
4that each one of you should know how to possess his vessel in sanctification and honor,
5not in passions of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God,
The word used is sanctification, not repression. And the contrast drawn is with the passions of lust — the problem named is using somebody, not desiring them.
Read the chapter18Flee from fornication. Every sin whatsoever that a man commits is outside of the body, but whoever fornicates, sins against his own body.
19Or do you not know that your bodies are the Temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own?
20For you have been bought at a great price. Glorify and carry God in your body.
Paul’s argument is not fear of punishment, it is dignity: you are not your own by accident, you were bought at a great price. It is easier to respect a body you know to be worth something.
Read the chapterBut let not any kind of fornication, or impurity, or rapacity so much as be named among you, just as is worthy of the saints,
The demand that these things not "so much as be named" sounds excessive until you remember the subject is group conversation. The target is the culture around a relationship, not only what happens between two people.
Read the chapterSo then, flee from the desires of your youth, yet truly, pursue justice, faith, hope, charity, and peace, along with those who call upon the Lord from a pure heart.
After the "flee" comes the half nobody quotes: pursuing justice, faith, hope, charity and peace alongside people who call on the Lord from a pure heart. Fleeing on its own does not work; it needs company.
Read the chapter8But I say to the unmarried and to widows: It is good for them, if they would remain as they are, just as I also am.
9But if they cannot restrain themselves, they should marry. For it is better to marry, than to be burned.
Paul treats being unmarried as a legitimate and good option, not as a waiting room. It is the passage for anyone tired of being told they need to find somebody.
Read the chapter
Frequently asked questions
What does the Bible say about dating?
Dating, as we practise it now, does not exist in the Bible — the world of those texts ran on arranged marriage and negotiation between families. What it offers is criteria: 1 Samuel 16:7 on looking at the heart, Amos 3:3 on walking in the same direction, and Song of Solomon 8:4 on respecting the timing.
What does "unequally yoked" mean in 2 Corinthians 6:14?
The image is two animals of different sizes harnessed to the same plough: one pulls harder and both suffer. Paul is speaking about partnerships in general, and applying it to dating someone of another faith is a common reading among Christians, even though the text does not address that case specifically.
Does the Bible forbid sex before marriage?
1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 and 1 Corinthians 6:18-20 direct sexual life towards marriage, and the argument they use is the dignity of the body rather than punishment. How that works out in practice is a point where Christian traditions vary in tone, even where they converge on the principle.
How do I know whether someone is the right person?
The Bible gives no formula, and be wary of anyone who does. It gives criteria: character above appearance (1 Samuel 16:7), a shared direction (Amos 3:3), a reputation built outside the relationship (Ruth 3:11) and patience with the timing of things (Ecclesiastes 3:1).
A prayer to take with you
Lord, take from me the rush to be with someone just so as not to be alone. Give me eyes to see character before I see anything else, and the courage to wait when waiting is the right thing. Guard my heart without hardening it. Amen.